Contraception Techniques for 3D Blindfolded Stormtroopers


The number of human nipples in the world should be of interest to everybody: 2 x 6,836, 868, 270 people at time of writing. Let’s look at where that number is going.

Into Cities Mostly
Aye, we’re an urbanising species, it’d seem. ( 19 cities with a population of 20 million in the 21st century ) gathers a good range of population information and presents it in a useful and provocative way. A few stats jumped out :

Since the last ice age, 18,000 years ago, sea level has risen 400 feet, as a result of global warming, this trend will continue.
Almost all of the world’s largest cities, are cities that border the oceans of the world, and will be affected by the rise in sea levels.

In 1800 less than 3% of the world lived in cities. Most people lived their entire lives without seeing one.
In 1900 150 million people lived in the world’s cities.
Today more than half of the world lives in a city
By 2050 it will be more than 2/3 of us.

Bejing was first city with 1 million people ( 1800 )
New York was first city to reach 10 million ( 1950 )
Tokyo reaches 35 million.. . ( 2005 )

Australia recently acquired a population minister, Tony Burke, ( a good sign ), and had statements from the Prime Minister wishing for a ‘Big Australia’ – or effectively a population of 35 million in 2050 ( a bad sign? ). This is effectively up from 22 million now, and one of the fastest rates of growth in the world, and not backed up by any strategies to improve say – the water supply issues that plague the driest continent in the world. See also The Australian Population Organisation. Obviously the new Population Minister has his work cut out for him, hence the advice offered below:

DeathStar Avoidance
So we’re urbanising at quite a fast pace. That’s great and all, but nobody wants the ball to end up as one giant machine. An unfortunate step in that direction would be the continued expansion of the Star Wars franchise into 3D territory. The world’s garbage dumps are already filled with enough plastic ewoks and Darth Vader lunchboxes, but George Lucas is apparently considering transforming the Star Wars films into 3D, after seeing where the technology was at with Avatar. And there are emerging groups dedicated to transforming existing 2D films eg : “Dimensionalization is a method developed by In-Three of converting 2D content to stereoscopic 3D content“, but really, do we need to go there, even if Martin Scorsese is also developing a 3D film (The Invention of Hugo Cabret, about a broken robot )?

More Efficient Use of Urban Space
Instead of building new Lucas warehouses, theatres, 3D cinema complexes, why not decentralise the whole thing, and let people make it in their bedrooms, hallways and back alleys? Case in point :, where the star wars film has been broken up into 15 second segments, each segment being remade by a case of hundreds. The first trailer is up, and the final, undoubtedly stupendous full length collage feature is almost ready to screen…

Nature’s Helping Hand
If Australia is doomed however, to massive population growth, spurred on by more sprawling Lucas warehouses and 3D complexes, and we end up in some Deathstar existence, walking around in stormtrooper-esque body armour, then it will be useful for future population ministers to be aware of a built-in escape hatch. A good way to keep us all from breeding in the future will be to keep the population of stormtroopers all curled up in separate cubicles – with the likes of Tactile Mind, a book which combines tactile nude photographs and braille descriptions. ( It is notoriously hard to see from inside stormtrooper helmets ( acquired one from Ebay a while ago )). Order now and save (us all).

Autobot Roulette:

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