Filtering out election noise has proven health benefits. Fresh ears can re-hear eucalypt jingles over the hum. Brains can remember that world-shaping happens in many places other than buildings full of politicians. Below are a few parties not on ballot papers anytime soon, but you’re still invited anyway.
The Boycott Party
Many multinational corporations have annual budgets much bigger than the Australian Governments, and accordingly their larger impact on the world is open to influence from your wallet. Both of these sites outline a range of several Boycotts in action worldwide, pressuring and reshaping the practices of many large_corps. Branding is often all that distinguishes many companies these days, so they take their public relations seriously and will act on anything attacking the glossy sheen of their reputation. The meagre economic impact of each individual can also have considerable positive effects on the world when (re)directed towards ethically and environmentally sound products or services, or spent with community in mind.
“Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race,’ HG Wells.
For those who insist on buying wheeled vehicles, a bicycle is a great place to start. Changing the shape of the world’s dependence on oil might take a while, but your thighs will at least look different much sooner. Google some interesting bike paths near you and take a long distance hike, grin at the oil prices and revel in the breeze, and do check out www.criticalmass.org.au for monthly two-wheeled carnivalesque celebrations.
While the ‘You Are What You Eat’ party recognises that many of us won’t decompose for 200 years after burial ( think plastic – food and cosmetic surgery), they still stand tall in the support of those farmers who aim to farm for the future as well as the present. Reports the Daily Glutton:
“The dietary habits and choices of any nation may shape it’s future landscapes ( & bodyscapes ) more than any politician.”
World War III Hemp For Victory Party
Not so long ago, Governments appealed to their citizens to grow hemp for rope and other purposes to assist with the war effort of the time. With the hardy hemp plant able to provide much in the line of paper, clothing and even nutrition, hemp’s time may have come again. Not to be confused with the Home Brewers for Victory Party.
The Squirt Less Party
“Relax don’t do it, when you want to go to it… ”
– warned Frankie Goes to Hollywood all those years ago.
While Taoist Sperm Retention techniques might indeed be flavour of the month at inner-city dinner parties, the mind does boggle at the potential benefits to NATIONAL SECURITY if the ‘sacred life_force’ of many thousands of litres of sperm were instead kept inside the bodies of the Aussie male massive. Ejackulaishun ( Family First friendly spelling ), the taoists believe, is best avoided by pressing firmly just before orgasm against an indentation on the ridge between the testicles and the anus. With practice you can also lock / tense this area to achieve the same effect. ( learn here ). Say the non-squirters – this is the path to more control, pleasure and overall energy.
The Squirt More Party
Champions for the furthering of useful human knowledge of our own bodies in the 21st-we’re-not-medieval-anymore-century, the Squirt More party aims exclusively at females, hoping to raise awareness of their capacity to enjoy ‘female ejackulaishun’. Without getting too athletic about it all, Jenny provides a very informative and pragmatic guide for adding this to a modern girl’s repertoire at her subtly titled homepage: www.jennyspray.com.
The Voltron Beatboxers Party
Try adding these guys, The Hare Krishna Breakers and the other above parties to your next political discussion, and some of those eager to leave the country friends might calm down a little.